103: The Truth About Sex

We live in a world that is loud about sex but silent about truth. Everywhere you look — social media, entertainment, music, even public education — culture is screaming one message: “If you feel it, you should fulfill it.”

That may sound like freedom. But in reality, it’s a current that’s sweeping people off their feet and dragging them into pain.

We’ve seen it in counseling rooms. We’ve seen it in marriages that look good on Instagram but are dying behind closed doors. We’ve seen it in students who are more sexually “educated” than ever, yet more confused, anxious, numb, or ashamed than any generation before them.

So let’s cut through the noise with one foundational truth:

Sex is a gift, not a right.

And until we get that right, everything else will stay broken.

The Lie of Entitlement: “I Feel It, So I Deserve It”

One of the most destructive lies in our culture is the idea that sexual desire equals sexual permission.

“If I love them, who are you to tell me I can’t act on it?”

“If I’m attracted to them, why should I deny myself?”

“If I’m in a relationship, isn’t sex expected?”

“If I’m married, doesn’t my spouse owe me sex?”

Do you hear it? That’s the language of entitlement — not love.

But Scripture teaches the opposite. Every “good and perfect gift” comes from God (James 1:17). That means sex — in all its pleasure and power — was invented by God. It belongs to Him before it belongs to us.

And if God designed it, He gets to define it.

Gift vs. Right: Why the Difference Matters

Here’s the difference:

Sex as a RightSex as a Gift“I’m owed this.”“I’m entrusted with this.”Fueled by selfishnessFueled by gratitudeLeads to takingLeads to givingDemands accessHonors boundariesProduces shameProduces intimacy

When sex is treated as a right, we weaponize it.

• Singles justify doing whatever they want with their bodies.

• Couples “test drive” each other like used cars.

• Spouses use sex as leverage, avoidance, or manipulation.

• Even inside marriage, people chase lust instead of love.

But when sex is treated as a gift, everything changes. Gratitude replaces entitlement. Honor replaces pressure. Connection replaces comparison.

The Power and Danger of Ignoring the Current

Brandon used this analogy when we recorded this conversation: When you’re fly fishing, you don’t stand still in a river unless you’re strong enough to resist the current. It may look gentle, but one wrong step and you’re swept downstream before you even know what happened.

That’s exactly what’s happening to people right now in the area of sexuality.

They don’t feel like they’re in danger — until it’s too late.

The current of our culture is strong. And it’s not neutral. It doesn’t drift toward life — it drifts toward destruction.

Which means doing nothing isn’t safe. You don’t drift into purity. You don’t stumble into holiness. You choose it — or you get swept away.

What the Church Has Gotten Wrong

For years, the Church’s primary message about sex has been, “Don’t do it until you’re married.”

That’s true — but it’s not enough.

Telling someone, “Wait,” without telling them “Why,” leaves them spiritually hungry, emotionally unprepared, and totally unequipped for marriage.

So let’s say what many churches haven’t:

• God didn’t just tell you to wait — He wants you to anticipate.

• Sex is not just permissible in marriage — it’s powerful in marriage.

• Purity is not withholding passion — it’s protecting it until it can flourish.

What About Those Who Have Failed? (Spoiler: All of Us Have)

Maybe you didn’t wait.

Maybe you’ve experienced sexual sin, addiction, dysfunction, or trauma.

Maybe your story includes same-sex attraction, pornography, hookup culture, withholding, infidelity, or abuse — whether done by you or to you.

Listen to us:

You are not disqualified from God’s healing.

The gospel does not say, “Clean up your sexual past and then you can come to Jesus.” It says, “Come to Jesus — and He will heal what you cannot.”

Shame cannot rebuild you. Guilt cannot restore you. But Jesus can.

Moving From Entitlement to Surrender

Whether you’re married, single, young, or aging — healing begins with this question:

Will I let God define my sexuality… or will I try to define God around my sexuality?

We all have desires that don’t line up with God’s Word. That doesn’t make us defective — it makes us human.

The question isn’t, “Do I feel it?” but “Do I surrender it?”

A Better Way Forward

If sex is a gift, then it must be received with humility, protected with wisdom, and enjoyed with gratitude.

So here’s our challenge to you:

• If you’re single: Don’t waste this season pretending to be married. Build the kind of character that can sustain passion later.

• If you’re dating: Don’t “test drive” — trust God’s timing. You don’t need to break what you’re trying to build.

• If you’re married: Don’t withhold out of anger or demand out of selfishness. Let generosity define your intimacy.

• If you’re hurting: Don’t bury shame in silence. Healing doesn’t begin with ignoring pain — it begins with bringing it into the light of Christ.

• If you’re stuck in sin: Don’t settle. Don’t justify. Don’t hide. Freedom is not for “other people.” It’s for you.

Final Word

Sex is powerful — but it’s not ultimate. It’s a gift of God — but not a god.

When we treat it as a right, it enslaves us.

When we receive it as a gift, it blesses us.

Our culture may keep preaching “follow your feelings,” but feelings were never meant to be your master. Jesus is. And when you trust His design, you don’t lose joy — you finally discover it.

We’re not just resisting sin — we’re protecting delight.

Because God’s way isn’t just right.

It’s better.